Monthly Archives: July 2010

Two bears, a Frog and Able John

Two Bears, A frog and Able John,

Built a boat to sail upon.

They built the hull from bark and string,

Then found a lake to sail it in.

The lake met the river, the river met the sea,

The bears stole honey, the frog ate the bees,

Able john found fishes, they sailed along at ease.

Till that fateful moment, early at dawn,

The bears farted, in sync and long.

Able John fell, crushed the frog’s legs,

The friendship was fucked.

The journey was gone.


For the love of purple berries

wine glass not included

I spied a bowl full of phalse when I opened the heavy doors of the refrigerator, looking for a bottle of h20.

Enticed by the crunchy centers and the tangy soft exterior of those purple berries I reached out and grabbed a fistfull to saté my midnight p90x fueled hunger.

Alas, given my sleep riddled constitution and the lack of room for a fist, I knocked the bowl, full of the goodness of phalse, off its hallowed perch in the cold confines off the refrigerator and watched in silent horror as the little berries made a spectacle and spread themselves all over the kitchen and the hall floor.

I then did what any phalse lover, worth his salt, would do.

I said “fuck it, the maid will clean this up in the morning” and went off to sleep.

True story.