Why this training sucks

Here I am, in a training session, fighting the urge to curl up and snore. I figured I should analyse the reasons why this training session sucks. Bear with me guys, here goes :
  1. The trainer looks like Paritosh Uttarwar : I kid you not. This guy totally looks like Paritosh, with a little less hair, a stupid moustache (we have seen those on Paritosh (Puppy-to his buddies))
  2. The trainer is an idiot : Not necessarily related to point 1, but he knows jack about the product he is training us on. Each question is met with a succinct “Yes” and the loud uncomfortable chirping of crickets.
  3. The audience is a bunch of bloody consultants: “You know the type, loud as a motorbike” Consultants are people who are assumed to know everything, this is a stereo type re-inforced at every client location we go to. Wide eyed client personnel look at us like the second coming of Jesus. Only we know, deep inside, that we are all a bunch of phonies. However that does not stop us from asking questions which make us look smart and make this poor Paritosh lookalike, look like a bigger fool.
  4. Irrelevant shit : Some of the stuff he says makes no sense, has no context and flies 35000 feet above our tiny heads. I think he is trying to be funny. Someone tell him it is not working. Poor Puppy
  5. Long pauses: Homer could write the Iliad and its sequel during one of the long pauses this guys uses during his sessions. He is clearly reading the wrong public speaking manuals.
  6. Retarded Questions : As I mentioned in point (3), the distribution of the audience is consultants =100%  Sane Individuals = 0%, now some of us consultants have this propensity to ask absolutely, most fucking retarded questions which utilize no sense in their formation and which leave the poor trainer wondering what the fuck hit him.
  7. Stress fracture of the brain : This freak of a trainer talks to his laptop, no kidding. Sample these dialogues “Come on” “Go back” “Lets do it again” “wait, wait, please” These are some of the lines he mouthed to his laptop in front of all of us. For real. This is probably the effect of watching too much porn on this laptop, he probably thinks the laptop is his girlfriend.

In other news, if you look at this guy with a blank, unmoving, unblinking, cold stare it scares him and probably creeps him out. I have been doing this for the last 1 hour, my eyes hurt and I have to work extra hard on suppressing my laughter but this guy is freaking scared that I am going to kill him. Or so I hope.

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