Monthly Archives: March 2006

May i help you?

I was surfing the deep trenches of the internet one fine evening when I cam across this experience narrated by the topsecretagent on her blog. I was reminded a discussion I had with a friend who worked tech support for IBM and that I had to post this…

The 10 Rules Of Computer Tech Support.

  1. voice mail options are to be changed every Monday to ensure that the customers must listen to ALL the endless options before being able to make a choice. NOTE: be sure to put “speak to a tech support team member” at the very end right after “if you need to order an instruction book in Swahili press 302”
  2. If the customer is calling with a software problem, immediately blame their hardware.
  3. In order to maintain good customer relations, only put callers on hold if you are taking a 15-30 minute coffee break. If you are taking a full lunch hour, take their number. Then throw it away and wait for them to call back.
  4. If the customer is calling with a hardware problem, immediately blame their software.
  5. Remember: to the customer you are god. A genius who is 100 times smarter than they will ever be. Feel free to talk down to them. NOTE : do not worry about answering questions from computer savvy nerds. Since they don’t call tech support, you will never have to answer a question you cant fake your way through.
  6. if you have no idea what the customers problem is , simply tell them “you obviously don’t have the latest upgrade” then instruct them to search for it on the web – that’ll keep them busy for months.
  7. if it turns out that the customer is calling with a valid problem that you already know about, say : “ I’ve never heard of that happening before, but I’ll ask a senior engineer, please hold” then after your coffee break , come back on the line and give vague , confusing instructions on how to fix it.
  8. Windows is the official scapegoat for any hardware of software problems a customer may experience. Microsoft has screwed up so many times that anybody will accept windows as a cause of their problem even if they run Linux.
  9. always be sure to ask the caller to list the other programs they’re using . when they name the 33rd one immediately blurt out “ oh there is your problem . that program isn’t compatible with ours.”
  10. As an absolute final resort: tell the customer that an upgrade that will fix everything will be available in two months. This will buy us enough time to work hard….to upgrade this excuse list!

Song I am playing in my head: Eleanor: low millions



Two days, two crashes. Four pilots dead. Three of them extremely well trained officers.
No voices raised, no questions asked, no press scrutiny and no “Rang De Basanti” like protests.

The movie is not even off the screens yet and we have forgotten all that we thought we had learnt from it.

All that’s been troubling the news crews is how that asshole Sachin “Endulkar” wont be able to play cricket for two months( like that’s a loss, he isn’t scoring anyways). And how they are getting justice for a model who was shot dead( why in hell did they take 10 years to wake up?).Bastards.

Enough of the self congratulation and the gratuitous back slapping.

Can we have any sanity please? they need it!

And sympathies for those killed by apathy. Your ranks are swelling.


Image hosting by Photobucket

thanks to michael, for a lot of things.
…thanks once again.

this is me….

I got my handwriting analyzed at handwriting university, the results are pretty accurate so here you are see who I am…

For a graphologist, the spacing on the page reflects the writer’s attitude toward their own world and relationship to things in his or her own space.  If the inputted data was correct The Pradster has left some white space on the left side of the paper. The Pradster fills up the rest of the page in a normal fashion moving the entire writing rightward as he moves down the page. If this is true, then The Pradster has  a healthy relationship to the past and is ready to move on. The right side of the page represents the future and The Pradster is ready and willing to get started living now and planning for the future.  The Pradster is leaving the past behind and moving on to what he perceives as an exciting and enticing future.

The Pradster exaggerates about everything that has a physical nature. Although he may not intend to deceive or mislead, he blows things way out of proportion because that is the way he views them. He will be a good story teller. This exaggeration relates to all areas of his material world. The Pradster allows many people into his life because he is accepting and trusting. He is sometimes called gullible by his friends. That only really means that he trusts too many people. The Pradster has a vivid imagination.

The Pradster has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. He lets new people into his circle of friends. He uses his imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people

The Pradster has a temper. He uses this as a defense mechanism when he doesn’t understand how to handle a situation. Temper is a hostile trait used to protect the ego. Temper can be a negative personality trait in the eyes of those around him.

The Pradster is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect his ego when he feels hurt. He pokes people harder than he gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

The Pradster is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth.  This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. He needs to visualize the end of a project before he starts.  he finds joy in anticipation and planning.  Notice that I said he plans everything he is going to do, that doesn’t necessarily mean things go as planned.  The Pradster basically feels good about himself.  He has a positive self-esteem which contributes to his success.  He feels he has the ability to achieve anything he sets his mind to.  However, he sets his goals using practicality– not too “out of reach”.  He has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, he will not take great risks, as they relate to his goals.  A good esteem is one key to a happy life.  Although there is room for improvement in the confidence category, his self-perception is better than average

In reference to The Pradster’s mental abilities, he has a very investigating and creating mind. He investigates projects rapidly because he is curious about many things. He gets involved in many projects that seem good at the beginning, but he soon must slow down and look at all the angles. He probably gets too many things going at once. When The Pradster slows down, then he becomes more creative than before. Since it takes time to be creative, he must slow down to do it. He then decides what projects he has time to finish. Thus he finishes at a slower pace than when he started the project. He has the best of two kinds of minds. One is the quick investigating mind. The other is the creative mind. His mind thinks quick and rapidly in the investigative mode. He can learn quicker, investigate more, and think faster. The Pradster can then switch into his low gear. When he is in the slower mode, he can be creative, remember longer and stack facts in a logical manner. He is more logical this way and can climb mental mountains with a much better grip.

The Pradster will be candid and direct when expressing his opinion. He will tell them what he thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don’t really want his opinion, don’t ask for it!

The Pradster will demand respect and will expect others to treat him with honor and dignity. The Pradster believes in his ideas and will expect other people to also respect them. He has a lot of pride.

The Pradster is moderately outgoing. His emotions are stirred by sympathy and heart rendering stories. In fact, he can be kind, friendly, affectionate and considerate of others. He has the ability to put himself into the other person’s shoes. The Pradster will be somewhat moody, with highs and lows. Sometimes he will be happy, the next day he might be sad. He has the unique ability to get along equally well with what psychology calls introverts and extroverts. This is because he is in between. Psychology calls The Pradster an ambivert. He understands the needs of both types. Although they get along, he will not tolerate anyone that is too “far out.” He doesn’t sway too far one way or the other. When convincing him to buy a product or an idea, a heart rendering story could mean a great deal to him. He puts himself in the same situation as the person in the story, yet he will not buy anything that seems overly impractical or illogical. The Pradster is an expressive person. He outwardly shows his emotions. He may even show traces of tears when hearing a sad story. The Pradster is a “middle-of-the-roader,” politically as well as logically. He weighs both sides of an issue, sits on the fence, and then will decide when he finally has to. He basically doesn’t relate to any far out ideas and usually won’t go to the extreme on any issue.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially.  According to the data input, The Pradster doesn’t write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

Stupid games people play

Man is often called a social animal, social or anti-social we remain beneath it all as animals.
And just like animals do we have our own mating rituals…okay I am not going “there” but the stage before we get “there”. The human rituals involve eye contact, body language, talk and the sense of touch….
“Yahin to maat kha gaya India!!” (This where India looses the plot)

public displays of affection are frowned upon in India, you can do what you want behind closed doors, we shall pretend nothing happened but please do not do anything in public that may remind those watching of the activities you can indulge in….
Hence the only seemingly heterosexual activity that couples in India can publicly indulge in is holding hands…so what do you do when you so want to feel that person?

That’s where people invent stupid games.

One such game was played out by a bunch of morons high on hormones but low on grey matter in my college classroom one morning.

Apparently slime (male) had a thing for saalli (female) also present with them in class were madman (data inconclusive), papeeta (female), Shapiro (female) and sweater (female)
The names are very thinly disguised for I do not give a damn if these people find out that their stupid antics are out….names have been changed only coz I want to protect *MY* identity!!

Coming back to the scene in question, since slime and saalli so wanted to feel each other but could not for lack of privacy they decided to veil their emotions and devised a novel method of feeling each other….by slapping each other!!

Madman (no one knows if he/she is a man/woman so I guess this is the wrong name) had some feeling for Shapiro and papeeta both of whom were high on estrogen…and sweater who happened to be saalli’s best buddy had a thing for slime….complicated yes, but you know what these kinds of situations lead to…

An orgy!

Soon everyone was slapping everyone else, every slap met by laughter and satisfaction. This was fast becoming an S&M party!

I walked into class to witness some tight ones being exchanged, bundled with looks that could have meant anything depending upon how you interpreted them…

I could not realize what I had walked into; these were after all people that I called friends…

I was soon discovered and Shapiro ran towards me shouting “PRADSTER”
She is happy to see me! So I thought; till my thoughts were rudely interrupted by what else but a slap!

She ran to me and with a giggle gave me one on the cheek….lets freeze frame here!

I have had training in self defense, couple that with my aggressive nature and a middle level qualifications in karate…and you have an explosive package…with a very short fuse!

Unbeknown to Shapiro she had just lit that tiny fuse… and I had a reflex action to match.

No, I did not slap her, not my style and I despise attacking a lady in any case…I merely acted in self defense….

Let’s unfreeze…

As soon as her hand made contact with my face my elbow traveled in an arc towards her face and connected!

Knock Out


Absolute silence prevailed…between short pitched squeals from Shapiro who was holding her nose and agonizing…

I never meant to hit her, but this is the way I am programmed …I acted merely out of reflex.

She had a red nose for 3 days and thankfully these people never played that “game” again at least not when I was around!

Served those horny idiots right …I think so !

Moral of the story? …Go Figure!

Song playing in my head: Wicked Game (666 remix) – HIM

and this my 100th post…sheesh!

I just got through with my spring cleaning. I cleaned out all my closets, removed the winter wear and restored the summer wear to their rightful places.
While I did my cleaning, I did a head count and made a list of all the clothes I need to buy. I realize that I am running atrociously low on t-shirts; maybe the low level is purely relative. I am now wondering “Do I have reason to be embarrassed?”
I think I do…its not that I have no clothes, I think I have too many!
And I think I still need more!

Its not like I have a humungous collection of clothes, they are simply a lot when I compare them with my friends.

Here are the contents of my closet ,analyze them and let me know if I should be embarrassed or should I proceed on that shopping trip (which I am going to in any case )

27 ……………….t-shirts

20 ……………….pairs of jeans

32 ………………..shirts

A large number …… underwear!

7 …………………surfer shorts ( a 1500 miles away from the nearest beach!)

6 ………………… track pants

4 …………………..pedal pushers

8 ………………… caps!

13 ………………..pairs of shoes

and this the list of just my casual summer wear. The winter wear and the formals are right now unaccounted for, like my innerwear.
Which reminds me, I recently bought underwear from “Lacoste” and the packaging had “WHACK” written on it in BIG letters , now what was that supposed to mean?

Don’t comment about the number of shoes, this is a reduced number, achieved after I donated some pairs to charity!

Have fun ……Pradster out…!

Song playing in my head: The Bad Touch : Bloodhound Gang