Let me set the record straight… I AM NOT A CRICKT FAN, the only reason why I watch the occasional game is the fact that it is the only sport we Indians are good at (Somewhat!)
I have NEVER been interested in cricket, I prefer the game of football, basketball or maybe even motor sports much MUCH more exciting. Supporting the national team is what makes me watch the game, and I rue it very single time.
Well you see, watching your fellow Indians drop their pants down with gay abandon (gay abandon??…are all homos out?) and surrender in response to the slightest of aggression is not a really pleasing sight. Nobody gives a damn to whether the flag was flying upside down in dambula: it does not matter if they put it horizontally if they want to, coz if the Indian team has its way the flag is going to be buried under a big pile of S**t.
Talking about the Indian team, it probably does not matter who the coach, captain, or for that matter the team members are…they inevitably suck. It seems they are handpicked for this ability; the selectors gather them in a room and select the most awful stinkers for the team, train them into a bunch of champion lubbers , train them even more to make them better losers and the actually set them loose on to us.
Now I do not have a solution for India’s cricketing ill’s but then if you apply your mind to a problem, you can solve it… think like any manager would- a business manager that is.
Eureka!! … That’s it, I have the solution. If you are running a business and your employees or team mates sucked at whatever they did what would you do?
Yes I know …you would fire them and outsource the job. There you have it “OUTSOURCE THE JOB”. To solve the perils of the Indian team and to save the nation from collective shame…outsource the following departments namely:
Fielding and maybe even the tossing department.
Once you have outsourced these jobs to competent Australians, kiwi’s and South Africans. We can also find skilled yet cheap labour from Pakistan, Sri Lanka and even Bangladesh (they beat the Aussies…something I don’t think we’ve done lately) you’ll find many of your problems fading. Other things to fade will be dim-witted news flashes about sachins tires, sehwags energy drink (I think he drank to much of it and is now suffering from diarrhea, which explains his urge to get out and go back to the pavilion as soon as possible) and dravids inane advice.
This outsourcing will also work for the poor folks that we employ. The white guys in the team will readily find employment (in the off season) in the Hindi movie industry (I think they find the word Bollywood insulting… so I am going to say it again and again…Bollywood, Bollywood, Bollywood…na na na na) since the industry (Bollywood, Bollywood) Is looking for that one breakthrough movie which will succeed in America and establish Bollywood (ha ha ha) there they could well employ firangs.
Till now we had firang ladies in our movies who were there for the plain fact that Indians could see something different (more cleavage?) but now that the demand is being met by mallika sherawat and co. it’s for the firang boys to try their luck.
Some might be getting concerned at the plight of the Indian cricketers who will be rendered jobless. Well they can form a union and try to march to the BCCI’s office.I am sure going by the current standards they will be lathi charged and should be lucky to get out alive. They can surely live for many years on the crores they have earned. In any case these people will have to find a job that they are ACTUALLY GOOD AT. Like the rest of us folks have to!!Till the day Messrs Dalmia and co. realize that this move shall benefit them and earn them crores and maybe put them back onto the icc hot seat this may well remain a pipe dream just like an Indian victory over teams ranked above us.