As a direct outcome of the recent multiplex bombings in Delhi, the government has added some more items to the list of objects not allowed inside a theatre this list includes mobile phones (this everybody is going to love, no more ringing phones in the middle of the movie and definitely no more of those idiots talking in there as well) and the second item in the list is hold your breaths… lipsticks.
LIPSTICKS? Am I mistaken? No sir I am not lipsticks are indeed banned inside a movie theater. The police have classified them as a weapon, a lipstick is a weapon I agree but only when its contents are marked on the luscious lips of a lovely lady, the cops say it can be used to carry explosives as well…what crap!!
The fallout? For one the numerous visits taken to “freshen up” taken by our female consorts while inside a hall are going to be hopefully reduced. On the negative couples doing their own business (J) inside the darkened halls will be unable to carry out their favorite pastime, since the ladies will be worried about not being able to replace the precious lip color shared now by their male counterparts!!!
I wonder what the police have on the list of things they should ban, I cannot comprehend their list, but since its going to be insane anyways I have prepared my own list and I assure you that I will have everything secured.
The police are scared that lipsticks are going to be used to get explosives I have an idea, maybe they can! so the cops should arrest any MAN carrying lipsticks, any sane women will not waste her precious lipstick for explosives and no man will carry lipstick until he is carrying explosives or he is a cross dresser!….I hate those people, so arrest him!.
Explosives can be carried in many other ways , the people who carried out the bomb blasts were Sikh extremists , it is also a known fact that Sikhs have large empty cavities where the brain should be and a turban where large growth of shoddy hair is stored, you get my point Mr. officer? Ban Turbans and Sikhs inside a theatre, yeah that should solve it!.
Now there is another category of people who are known trouble makers in and around cinema halls i.e. the Shiv Sainik and the Bajarang Dal activists, for all the trouble they have created they don’t deserve to see another movie anyways …BAN THEM NOW.
We have heard of the population explosion haven’t we? Let the terrorists alone IT’S the biggest thing to have rocked India, and to blame are people who conceive babies. So ban all pregnant women and their husbands from movie halls since they carry bits and pieces of the biggest explosion in India in their swollen bellies. This would also act as a population control measure as every guy is going to think a zillion times about all the mallika sherawat (yuck) movies he will have to miss before he knocks his wife. The movie going population is safer now but not safe enough car bombs are the new weapon in the hands of the terrorists so no one can use them, blue line busses were weapons of mass destruction before anthrax was a word congressmen feared, so they cannot be used, and people who want to come should walk. Walking will tire the terrorists so much that they will fall asleep aided by the boring movie and will not be able to complete their intended mission. If the rest of the folks have conked out too well, you can not make out since the govt. banned lipsticks (see above) and today’s movies are worthless anyways why not catch up on some sleep??
There are numerous other cavities inside the human body( I do not wish to tabulate them) which can used to smuggle explosives inside a hall, since the new breed of plastic explosives can evade detection under both magnetic detectors as well as x ray scans all folks who want to enter a hall to see a flick, should be subjected to a thorough cavity search. Those who are too shy better stay at home…look you cannot go necking in there, you will have to walk 5 miles and the movie is a waste as well. Stay at home read a book, make out, do whatever you feel like. With no body inside, at least our multiplexes are safe!
7/5/2005 01:16 PM